Ways Around The Rules
by Richard Kirkland
Summary: Kankri was innocently reading a book he borrowed when he hit an especially triggering section and requires the assistance of a certain sea dwelling troll. CronKri. M for masturbation.


Okay if you feel like you've read something like this before I'll explain. I was recently introduced by a friend to CronKri and I read a story an and it was perf but it wasn't exactly my style, but I liked the overall idea of it so I borrowed the idea if you will and so just saying the idea of Cronus helping Kankri masturbate is not my original idea neither are the character totes not mine either but the rest is completely mine, have fun y'all~

Kankri grinned down at his book as the heroine, a human female of the name Jasmine, and prince came together for a kiss. He grabbed a pen moving to the margins writing down a hashtag and tw by the side to show triggers happening and continued to read. Karkat's hatred of the humans left the effect of making Kankri like them, anything Karkat hated that much couldn't be too bad after all, and he found that two of the humans liked to read, a common trait between the older troll and them. So he would recommend troll books to them and they would recommend human books for him.  
The human books tended to have triggering content but they were romantic at times, sweet at others, cruel even if he got the right books. He would mentally push the humans into quadrants with each other if he felt it fit, and the books always surprised him when they broke the quadrants he assigned. The John human would be one he had to say he enjoyed most, he was always recommending sweet books, romance was his favorite, strictly for research purposes of course. He would read the books and had so far gained several more triggers from them, the books informing him of human triggers to warn about.  
He smiled thinly as the humans in the story leaned in to kiss, they were in a foreign thing called a 'wedding' that they had worked for, battling bandits and the such. He blushed lightly as they hugged and the writer detailed the humans blood pumper, or 'heart' as they call it, as it sped up to the contact. He wrote trigger warnings in the margins and continued on reading.  
They were going on some adventure called a 'Honey moon' now, which he assumed they would be devouring a moon of honey, and frowned as they locked themselves in a room together. "H9w weird. D9 they n9t wish t9 share their m99n 9f h9ney?" He read on and the light blush darkened as the male human began stripping his moirial turned Matesprit of her clothing. He hurriedly wrote trigger warnings beside that and continued on, hoping beyond hope this would stop.  
He felt the heat burn through his veins as his mutant blood rushed to his face and, embarrassingly enough, his lower regions as he read them detailing the two going through intercourse. He wrote trigger warnings quickly in the margins, face burning red, and threw the book across the room crawling away from the spot he had been reading in. He bit his lip in indecision and looked down, tale tell signs of his arousal at the story already showing up.  
Kankri, due to his vow of celibacy, couldn't participate in any form of sex with another... Or so he says.  
Cronus was the exception, as he found he was in most scenarios, to this rule. He wouldn't break his vow, but the older troll had convinced him of an innocent way of fixing problems like these with him. He fidgeted in his spot, tentabulge staining his pants a light red through the black coloring. He sighed and gave in, grabbing his phone reluctantly trolling him.  
triggerSavior [TS] has began trolling casanovaAquarium [CA]  
TS: ...  
CA: hey Kan, vwhat's up?  
TS: It w9uld appear I am 9nce again in need 9f y9ur assistance, I ap9l9gize if this brings up any triggers f9r y9u 6ut I was reading a 699k J9hn rec9mended and there was a particularly triggering part, and I d9 n9t feel c9mf9rta6le d9ing such things 9n my 9wn, and c9nsidering the fact that y9u t9ld me that next time I was feeling triggered in this way that I sh9uld give y9u a call I was w9mdering if perhaps y9u w9uld n9t mind if I 'called y9u up' f9r s9me v9cal assistance, feel free t9 reject me in this if y9u find the idea unpleasant I w9uld hate t9 trigger y9u and ruin the moirialship we have managed t9 maintain thr9ugh the years with my request, and if y9u do find the th9ught unpleasant I will simply d9 it 9n my 9wn, 6ut I w9uld certainly enj9y y9r v9cal c9mpany.  
CA: wvhoa, calm dovwn, chief. Ill take care of ya, don't wvorry.  
CA: just ring me up once youre ready  
triggerSavior [TS] ceased trolling casanovaAquarium [CA]  
Kankri gulped setting his phone on the human bed he used crawling up to sit on it, curling in around himself. He sat there for a moment, seeing if his tentabulge would go away on its own, and sighed again as it remained. He began undoing the belt he had created for his celibacy years ago while grabbing his phone dialing in the familiar numbers "... Hell9 there Cr9nus, I seem t9 require y9ur assistance in this matter, it will n9t g9 away 9n it's 9wn, I sincerely ap9l9gize f9r requesting f9r y9u to participate in such a triggering activity, 6ut I appreciate the help all the same." He dropped the heavy metal belt waiting for Cronus to reply.  
There was silence until Eridan coughed "Uh... Hello Kankri, wwho are you looking for?"  
His blush that had been receding recovered fully "Uh, m-my ap9l9gies, I must have g9tten the wr9ng number, I was l99king f9r Cr9nus, as I said in my greeting, I supp9se I will simply hang up, again, my ap9l9gies f9r such a mistake-" he was cut of mid rambling speech by a shout of pain from Eridan, then cursing, and a deep familiar voice returned.  
"Hey there chief sorry about that, Eridan vwas being dumb. Okay, you in position then?" Cronus grinned over at Eridan, unlit cigarette hanging in his mouth, setting the phone to speaker, the two underwater trolls leaning back preparing to enjoy themselves together. They had bonded in a sort over activities like this, mainly Kankri. The ancestor troll, although ranting all of the time, managed to catch the eye of both Ampora's. Granted it is not a difficult feat to accomplish, but the Vantas's had been a universal liking for Ampora's, even when it was the sufferer.  
Kankri's clearly flustered voice came over the speaker "Yes, it is fine, just make sure he is n9t here, it is triggering en9ugh f9r y9u t9 6e here, I w9uld n9t enj9y him kn9wing we have these transacti9ns, it w9uld s9il his view 9f me, which I w9uld rather keep as in tact as I c9uld-"  
"It's fine chief, he's not here, wvhat do you wvant me to do?"  
There was silence as Kankri shifted uncomfortably "Uh, I was h9ping y9u w9uld tell me."  
Both Ampora's sent each other matching lewd looks and Cronus began "Then are your pants off, chief?"  
Kankri on the other end shivered and shook his head "N9, sh9uld they 6e?"  
"Wvell it wvould make things easier, but I do like the image of you, flushed and red wvith your hands in your pants struggling." He reached down undoing his fly letting himself out, Eridan copying the action the matching purple bulges wriggling to get comfortable in their freedom, grabbing purchase to their shirts, wriggling impatiently.  
They could practically hear the flush on Kankri "H9w triggering! Please attempt t9 keep y9ur triggering statements like that t9 y9urself, I will remove my pants, give me a m9ment."  
"Hey chief, quick question, do you keep your sweater on, since you'll match anyways?"  
"C-Cronus! I just asked y9u t9 keep these c9mments t9 y9urself!"  
He laughed, sliding a hand up his bulge idly "Yeah, yeah, I got it chief." He looked down spreading his legs to give himself more room instructing Kankri "Spread your legs and grab your tentabulge..." He questioned with a smirk to Eridan, who was staring shockedly at the phone, not thinking Kankri actually did this, "Are you pulsing, chief? Howv much do you need to be let go?"  
A light whimper came over the speaker as Kankri grabbed himself and slid a padded thumb up the slick surface of it, bulge curling to his hand making him whimper once more "..." He mumbled for a moment about triggers and answered "It is fairly thick right now... Cr9nus please, d9 n9t make me d9 this, can y9u n9t just help?"  
Eridan shivered and Cronus groaned lightly "No can do chief, nowv answer."  
He looked down rubbing himself lightly and clenched his eyes shut "... It hurts me currently, I w9uld prefer t9 6e released fr9m this duty-"  
"No chief, describe it."  
"Uh, it is clinging t9 my hand, it left a mark 9n my sweater 6ut I supp9se that is fine since it is red anyways. It is large and my skin has red on it fr9m it. Is that sufficient en9ugh?"  
"Yeah, chief." He stroked his bulge a moment before the extra phone lit up.  
'Tell him to stroke his horns, Vantas horns are more sensitive than most since they are so repressed.'  
He looked up at Eridan who grinned. He sat staring before grinning back "Okay, chief, keep a hand on your bulge and grab a horn."  
Kankri furrowed his brow but reached up hand covered in red from his bulge, and gripped his horn, immediately melting into the touch and purred lightly stroking his horn, forgetting about the call for a moment of bliss. He let go of his bulge completely and grabbed both horns rubbing them with a groan.  
Eridan sat listening before jumping off the couch running off. He returned after a while with a printed set of instructions plopping into his chair whirling around typing quick instructions into the computer. A loud groan came from the phone and the screen lit up win the image of Kankri groping his horns, face bright red, eyes closed and mouth opened in pleasure. His hips writhed with the lack of attention and his bulge curled in irritation. Eridan grinned his triumph before his eyes widened and he rolled over grasping blindly for a bucket, quickly releasing into it.  
Cronus's white eyes widened in shock as the image came to life and he slid over to stare at the image. He slowly returned to the phone and leaned over "Nowv rub your bulge, grab it fully." He paused to let him complete the order, the red blooded troll grunted and his hips jerked up and a loud gasped moan came over the speakers.  
He bit his lip rubbing himself faster, the erotic display driving his cold blood wild, and rolled over panting "N-now leave your horn alone and- nng-" he paused to bite his lip as Eridan moved closer rubbing the throbbing tentabulge for him. He reached up licking purple blood off his fingers as the younger troll rubbed his bulge for him and continued "And penetrate yourself for me,"  
Kankri made a distressed face and slowly left his horns, trailing a line of red down to his opening pushing a finger inside, moaning lightly as the pleasure increased, the pace on his bulge slowing as his hips bucked up.  
"Ah! Cr-Cr9nus h9w many? D9 y9u want tw9 9r three-" he cut off abruptly to moan and rubbed his hips down on his fingers.  
Cronus released the bite on his lip, licking the area lightly as purple blood seeped out, and laughed "Stick in three, as if it wvere me in there."  
Kankri shifted around to spread his legs further pushing a second in and panted, legs shaking, as he felt his completion edging it's way to him. "Al-m9st- d9ne."  
Cronus's hips jerked and he grabbed Eridan shoving him down pushing into him abruptly, dropping down to kiss him pushing his tongue in to silence any protests.  
The two tangled themselves together, panting in each other's face, and Cronus smiled sheepishly whispering "My bad, chief, didn't mean to do that, I just got carried away." He slowly pulled himself out of the younger troll and rolled over looking at the matching purple slicking his bulge up further, reaching down to rub himself again, Kankri and him writhing together.  
Eridan's glasses were skewed on his face, purple tinting it, and his scarf wound haphazardly on his neck as he watched the two jerk off to each other and he grimaced reaching down to zip himself up, having finished earlier at the computer before he moved to the bed to listen with Cronus. Cronus's eyes shot open and his mouth made an o as his hips gave a final jerk in the air and kankri's muted moans and purrs turned louder as he pulled his fingers free with a slick sound and he grabbed a bucket aiming in to let his juices out into it.  
Kankri crouched on the side of the bed panting for a few moments before he slowly grabbed his phone "Thank y9u Cr9nus-" Cronus snatched the bucket, purple juice from Eridan sloshing with the motion, and quickly let loose in it as Kankri saying his name brought him over the edge.  
He kept silent as Kankri continued rambling his apologies and gratitude before grabbing the phone off the bed setting his bucket down and reclined with a cool smile "Nah, don't wvorry about it chief, just call me up anytime."  
Kankri smiled lightly over the screen "9kay. Thank y9u again Cr9nus, y9u were quite a 6it 9f help t9 this pr9cess."  
He nodded "Yeah. Anywvays I gotta go make Eridan some food before he comes up here to get me, bye chief."  
"G99d6ye Cr9nus, have a marvelous evening."  
Cronus turned off the phone and turned his attention to the screen as Kankri stared at the bucket awkwardly before shoving it under his bed, careful not to splash it, and climbed into bed under the covers. The screen switched off and Cronus smirked at Eridan "That take care of this month?"  
Eridan smirked "Yes, it does. You are fine staying here, you'vve payed your dues. I'll go make me some food, good bye Cronus."  
Cronus nodded as Eridan left to make food and rolled over plopping the bucket on the ground standing up with a stretch returning to his room "Wvonder howv Damara is doin'" he smirked planning to call her later on climbing into his slime bed letting it relax him to sleep.

Okay so not my best writing but whatever sorry still a bit new to the whole troll thing, review if you'd like, and if you have any ideas you want hit me up with one, I'll have you a story written around it in a jiffy~


End file.
